In a recent interview and in conversation with non-Amish friends, I have had a hard time communicating how devastating the practice of shunning can be. The practice is often used as emotional and spiritual abuse.
Imagine being a teenager or young adult considering leaving the Amish community... often with only an 8th grade education and no money saved up (Amish kids usually must hand their paychecks over to the family until they are 18)
The most isolated groups have little connection to the outside world.
Where would you sleep if you were leaving?
Where would you find a job without even a GED?
How would you physically leave?
These issues are only amplified if you are a woman. Or struggling with your sexuality.
My leaving was relatively painless, but I hear many stories from kids fleeing in the middle of the night. They have a complete extraction plan ready... They get picked up after dark, car lights off and are quickly whisked off.
They know the emotional blackmail will come shortly. I have seen some of the letters that these kids have recieved from their parents and bishops. Threats of eternity in Hell and telling them they are endangering their younger siblings souls as well.
It is devastating to the psyche.
Combined with the practical obstacles it is no wonder that ~90% of Amish born people stay in the community for life... (Many also love the life and faith and have no desire to leave)
There is some good news! More of the moderate groups are relying less and less on manipulations and shunning and are maintaining relationships with those that leave.
But it is very difficult to leave, we should resist the urge to expect ppl make those sacrifices.
Imagine being a teenager or young adult considering leaving the Amish community... often with only an 8th grade education and no money saved up (Amish kids usually must hand their paychecks over to the family until they are 18)
The most isolated groups have little connection to the outside world.
Where would you sleep if you were leaving?
Where would you find a job without even a GED?
How would you physically leave?
These issues are only amplified if you are a woman. Or struggling with your sexuality.
My leaving was relatively painless, but I hear many stories from kids fleeing in the middle of the night. They have a complete extraction plan ready... They get picked up after dark, car lights off and are quickly whisked off.
They know the emotional blackmail will come shortly. I have seen some of the letters that these kids have recieved from their parents and bishops. Threats of eternity in Hell and telling them they are endangering their younger siblings souls as well.
It is devastating to the psyche.
Combined with the practical obstacles it is no wonder that ~90% of Amish born people stay in the community for life... (Many also love the life and faith and have no desire to leave)
There is some good news! More of the moderate groups are relying less and less on manipulations and shunning and are maintaining relationships with those that leave.
But it is very difficult to leave, we should resist the urge to expect ppl make those sacrifices.
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